Session 37 – A New King

Point of View (Azraim Melabidactus)

Return the Sword

It was fun watching the house full of Gnolls burn up. The only thing that would have been better was if some of them were still alive inside! I love the smelled of cooked Gnoll in the morning!

Josephus was parading around with that new shield of his like he just saved Tanelorn from invasion the pompous old ass. Meanwhile whiny Rhia was crying about what we should do with the stupid Sword of Kings. Of course Josephus just wanted to run away and not return it at all but Horus, who at least has some lead in his pipe, was for returning it and Rambledon and Misrael agreed with him.

I think we should take the thing and shove it up the new king’s bum but nobody thinks to ask me.

So we traveled back to the site of the battle were the big party is going on. I have to admit it is pretty fun there with fights almost every night that leave a Gnoll or two dead and their guts lining the dirt roads. These Gnolls aren’t so bad once you get to know them. I might even move here to Grelm once I make enough money. I’ll take a dozen or so wives and eat and drink my way to a heart attack!

The others spent some time figuring out where the Sword of Kings is kept and then hatched an elaborate plot to put the original back. Things did go off very well and we were not caught in the plan so I guess I have to give credit where credit is due. I still think they are a bunch of idiots.

Champion’s Battle

Next came the first round of the Champion’s Battle and one of the contestants, who can be bothered to remember all the stupid Gnoll names, was actually killed. It was pretty exciting although I did lose a bit of money gambling. The stupid Gnoll who hates Tanelorn, Icarus Myasswind or whatever his name is, bribed his foe to take a dive. So, that was boring.

After Icarus won, a bunch of big Gnolls starting cheering and forcing the other Gnolls to do the same. People seemed to think these Gnolls were something called Garous and allied with the demon Arioch. Once again the idiots decided to try and figure out what was going on and tracked the big Gnolls down to a tent and spied on it for a while. I just ate and drank and had a good time.

Later they reported what they found to someone who works for the Committee that is in charge of all this. I don’t know what they said but they seemed all proud of themselves. Morons, if the fix is in, then the fix is in.

I guess a group of the big Gnolls figured we were snooping around and attacked us. So something good came out of all the spying after all. We killed them and the crowd was just cheering like crazy the whole fight.

Then in the second round the two favorites fought in one round and our friend Icarus was defeated in the other. This made everyone very happy. What I thought was cool was that in the first fight one Gnoll actually bit out the throat of the other. Man, it was brutal! I love it!

Then came the final round and the two survivors managed to kill each other with one final swing. So, guess what? That means stupid Wipesmyass is now King of the Gnolls for the next year. He immediately started talking smack up on the podium and everyone who wasn’t a Gnoll started packing right away. Everyone says I’m stupid or something but even I knew it was time to leave!

Flight Home

We hit the road immediately and tried to escape before anyone tried to stop us but only got about an hour down the road when a bunch of young Gnolls riding hyenas attacked us. You can guess how that turned out for those fools!

Later we got to the border and there were already Gnoll riders on patrol. I wanted to just kill a troop of them and cross but everyone else wanted to sneak over the border. Anyway, they stood around watching and watching and sneaking and sneaking and somehow managed to avoid the patrol and we got back to Tanelorn all safe.

Now we are going to report the events of the Champion’s Battle back to the city but I don’t see why they shouldn’t already know. I guess it’s going to be war with Grelm now so that could be fun I guess.


The Girl in Glass tomlib